Monday, June 24, 2013

Why is writing important?

I have had a whirlwind semester, and, sadly, have not made the time to sit down and write on here since January.  I'm hoping to fix that this summer:)  I'm once again do the Teachers Write workshop with author Kate Messner.  Although it is late, I'm finally getting a chance to do my Monday "morning" warmup.  To see the warmup, you can visit Jo Knowles's blog at http://jbknowles.livejournal.com/

So.. why is writing important? Ironically, I love writing for more reasons than I could probably ever write down:)  One of the biggest reasons is that I've always found that I express myself better when I write than when I speak.  This is especially true if I'm emotionally invested in the topic.  It helps to be able to pause and think, to organize my thoughts, to add words at my own pace, and to DELETE.  Isn't it nice to be able to instantly take back words and thoughts before someone else can read them?  We can't do that when we're talking.  No matter how many times the judge tells the jury to disregard something, once something is spoken, it can never truly be taken back.  So, yes, I do enjoy that delete button.  My dramatic side especially loves that button.  

Another of my favorite reasons for writing is true both for myself as an individual and for myself as a teacher.  Writing helps us LEARN:D  I once had a professor that often used the quote, "How do I know what I know until I see what I have to say."  He often argued that we often knew much more than we realized.  He thought writing helped with this realization and both as a student and teacher, I wholeheartedly agree.  Writing helps organize thoughts and requires us to really think about an answer.  This helps us realize everything we know about a topic.  The past few years, I have been teaching a class for struggling readers.  Because the subject is difficult for them, many students have a hard time speaking up in class.  Others really take their time about answering.  So... in my efforts to fix this problem, I started having them write their answers before answering aloud.  I require them to write all of our key answers in their books before I will let anyone even raise their hand.  At first they were frustrated by this.  However, guess what happened?  Classroom participation went up exponentially!  When given the time to think about their answer, possibly even look back to the text, these students not only knew what they were talking about, but they were often eager to share that information.  Confidence and smiles grew:) 

Finally, I will end with the fact that writing helps humans to heal.  Every time I have gone through something rough in my life, I have turned to writing.  It helps get emotions out in a safe way.  There's no one to judge.  No one to comment.  The blank page (or blank screen as the case may be) is the ultimate impartial listener.  Sometimes it's nice to be able to put my entire heart out onto a page without having to put on my "brave face" or try and make my listener comfortable.  Sometimes I need to write without apologies.  Sometimes I need to be vulnerable and afraid.  I need to let everything out.  This is my way of moving past bad things.  Consequently, I have a stack of notebooks on-hand at school at all times.  Every year, I always have one or two students at least come talk to me about something big they are going through.  I give them a notebook and share my own coping mechanism:) 


Writing is an extension of the soul :D

From Momma to Momma

My latest article for the guest columnist spot in the Telegraph:)

'‘Everything becomes a little clearer. I realize what life is all about. It’s hanging on when your heart has had enough. It’s giving more when you feel like giving up. I’ve seen the light. It’s in my daughter’s eyes.”—Martina McBride
“A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.” However silly it might sound, this quote by Tenneva Jordan sums up motherhood perfectly. As a child, this was my momma exactly. No matter what, my mom would always eat the broken cookie, the slightly burnt piece of chicken, or give up her serving of green beans because her two daughters wanted more. Unfortunately, I don’t think I really appreciated how important these seemingly small sacrifices were until I grew up and matured a little. Now I realize that this was just one of the many, many ways that my mom showed her love for her family, one of the countless circumstances in which she put her daughters before herself. Now that I am the mother of a spirited little girl myself, I often look to my mom for support, guidance, a shoulder to cry on, or simply a person to share the joy of every new experience with my own daughter. I can’t think of anyone from whom I have learned more from than my momma—Anne Mottaz.
For those who don’t know me, I have a tendency to be quite dramatic and worry about concerns far too much. Before I was a parent, I often stressed that these characteristics would show up in my parenting skills as well. I listened to friends who talked about how hard being a parent was. However, while I can’t say I am never frustrated, being a mom is one of the most rewarding and “easy” things I’ve ever done. My daughter is my “happy place” and my calm in the storm of life. I know this attitude is a result of the excellent guidance I receive from my own mom. Anyone who meets my mom can tell how happy her daughters make her and how thankful she is to be a parent. My mom’s attitude on parenthood helps me find peace through everyday hectic situations that so often arise while being a mom. While I certainly get stressed when my two-year-old is acting like a two-year-old, I have also learned from my mom to pick my battles and find great joy in all the little moments with my daughter. Whenever my daughter, Grace, does something aggravating, I hear my mom’s voice in my head and I stop and ask myself why I’m irritated. Then, if the situation isn’t truly a big deal, I find the patience to laugh it off. If it is something she needs disciplined for, I find the patience to calmly discipline her without screaming my head off (which any parent knows, can easily happen!).
I feel that this special relationship with my mom started when my little sister, Rebecca, was born. While pregnant with Rebecca, my mom ruptured a disc in her back. My sister had already had a scary birth, one in which my mom had to have a caesarean section and they had problems getting her out (She is still a stubborn girl!). Shortly after this complicated birth, my mom had to be put under anesthesia and go right back into the operating room for her back. Because of this, she wasn’t able to hold Rebecca much right after she was born. I remember having to help my mom quite a bit at home because she couldn’t lift anything—not even her new baby girl! Although my mom looks on this memory with sadness, I don’t see it as a bad situation at all. I know my mom was in a lot of pain, which makes me sad, but I think this made my family extremely close. Despite the fact that I was only five, I had to step up and help my mom. Our family had to learn to be a team. Even at such a young age, I recognized the strength that my mom has always possessed. As easy as it would have been to give up or to hide in bed, my mom spent every day of her recovery (and always!) playing with my sister and me as best as she could, teaching and loving us. My sister and I deserved a mom who would be there for us no matter what she was personally going through, and my mom delivered on that beyond all expectations. It is this strength that I have often remembered when I was sick. My mom taught me to be a good mom no matter how I felt physically.

My momma has taught me so many different lessons about life, love, challenges, and friendship. However, I am most thankful for her excellent example of how to be a good parent. My daughter means more to me than anything, and, if I can be even half the mom my own momma has been, my daughter will be one lucky girl. My mom is so much more than a mother. She is best friend, mentor, counselor, partner-in-crime, and teacher. I strive every day to be like her.


Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Reflection--Goodbye 2012, Hello 2013


It’s that time of year—time to reflect on the year that has passed and make goals for the future.  So here goes…

Me—2012:
-Obviously one of my most obvious accomplishments is that I successfully made it through chemo!!  Woo hoo!  I got to close out 2012 with an all clear from my oncologist just before Christmas.  It was an amazing feeling.
-My time with cancer finally taught me to chill out a bit.  I’ve always been a type of person that has to plan everything and is always looking for the next big thing happening.  Now, I’ve decided that time can pass as slowly as it wants toJ  I will still look forward to fun things that I know are coming up, but I’m also perfectly happy enjoying everyday things.
-I’ve also become closer with family and friends.  I was beyond overwhelmed by the kindness, love, and help that I received this past year. 
-I am happy that in 2012, I started developing my skills at taking photographs.  I’ve always loved pictures.  Then, this year, I was blessed with the opportunity to take them for some friends and family members.  I really feel like I’m growing as a photographer.
-I got to be a part of a new summer school program, and it went quite well.  It was a spin-off of a transition program that I had been a part of in the past, but I think it was better.  Hopefully it will continue.
-I somehow talked both my family and Josh’s family into family pictures this year!  That may not mean anything to a lot of people, but I see it as a huge accomplishment!  I’m in love with the photos on my wall of both of my familiesJ
-I got to be a part of the wedding party for two good friends when they married each other this summer:D
-I started teaching a new class this year- dual-credit senior English!  I was terrified going in, but I’m really enjoying it.  They drive me crazy sometimes with their “senioritis” but they also challenge me and make me proud.
-Last, but not least, I continue to work at being a mom.  Everything I do, everything I strive for is so that I can be someone who Grace will always be proud to call “Mommy!”

Those are my big accomplishments of the year, and now I must get out some goalsJ  I think it is important to put goals in writing, as it makes us more accountable:
-I want to get back on track with Weight Watchers.  I have been lazy with a capital L during this holiday season, so now I have about 10 pounds I need to lose again. 
-Also, once I am cleared by the doctor after my recent surgery, I want to work up to exercising 5x a week.
-I would like to do a couch to 5k program
-I want to continue to work with Relay for Life and raise money and awareness to fight back against cancer and gain more birthdaysJ--I’m also putting on my first quarter auction for this cause and hope it goes well!
-I want to continue to grow as a photographer, including taking a couple of classes this year.  My hope is that this can be a side job for me one day.
-I want to be a great cooperating teacher, as I have my first student teacher this semester!
-I want to be a part of Race for the Cure again this summer.
-I want to work on being a great mom, wife, daughter, sister, teacher, friend, cousin, granddaughter, niece, etc. J
-I want to continue to be cancer-free!!

Grace:

2012—Baby Girl had such a big year.  She learns so much all the time.  I love her personality and spirit!
-Grace turned 2 this year and had an amazing time with family at her Minnie Mouse party!
-Her language skills have exploded!  I feel like we now have real conversationsJ
-She knows how to count to 12 well by herself, 15 with prompting
-Knows most of the ABCs song and “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star”  She also sings along with just about every song I turn on and actually knows some of the lyrics to many of them.
-Knows all of the main colors.
-Loves to sing and dance just like her mommyJ
-Favorite show: Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.  Also- Little Einsteins and Doc McStuffins
-Loves to read, color, paint, play with stickers, clean (yes, clean haha)
-She got to be a part of the Summer Reading Program at the library for the first time and loved it!  She also goes to Toddler Time each month there.  She loves the crafts, books, and songs!
-We became Zoo members this year, thanks to grandmaJ
-Grace went on her first vacation.  We went to Branson.
-She loves boats and anything with water.  She loves playing with puzzles, baby dolls, her doctor kit, and dress up.  When warm- loves outside and playing with her jeep, swing set and house that she got this year!  Also when warm, she loves taking walks with her mom and Aunt B, especially when we go get ice cream!
-She became potty-trained at the beginning of December!  Thanks to my nephew Alex for making it “cool” J
-Moved to a toddler bed
-Loves Bunny and Baby for bed, dolls, Cookie Monster, Elmo, and shoes
-Favorite foods- noodles of any kind, chicken, cheese, salad, soup, suckers, and anything that can be dipped
-Went to Chuck E. Cheese for the first time as her birthday present from Aunt B.  She was crazy about it!
-Was Minnie for Halloween
-Finally decided she loves Santa!

Goals: J
-Master ABCs, more numbers, language, songs, shapes
-Learn to ride her new tricycle she got for Christmas from Grandma and Grandpa Bronson
-Start preschool in the fall
-continue Toddler Time and participate in Reading Program again this summer.
-Really utilize our zoo membership once it gets warm.
-Experience the Magic House and Science Center for the first time
-Maybe get into dance when she turns 3J

Josh:
-While he got his job at McDonough and Whitlow in Dec 2011, he really became established this year.  He’s doing an amazing job!
-He has had quite a year taking care of me, but he has gone above and beyond to be a good husband and fatherJ

Thursday, November 29, 2012

God's Soldiers


“God gives his hardest battles to his toughest soldiers.”

            This week has been especially hard for me both as a teacher and as a person.  Sunday, I learned that I had lost a student, the second one this year.  Losing the first student was hard enough, but this was even harder as he was a student that I currently had.  James was bright and funny, outgoing, a leader, and a part of one of my favorite classes.  In a weak moment while driving to work, I asked myself why God let these things happen.  It seems our school has had to deal with so much heartbreak the past few years.  Thankfully, however, the strong side of me came back with a quick retort before I even had time to digest my weak thoughts.  The strong side of me repeated a quote I read recently: “God gives his hardest battles to his toughest soldiers.”  This quote stopped me in my tracks because it is so true.  Who was I to complain about this particular battle?  It wasn't the first one I’d fight, and wouldn't be the last.  No matter how many I must fight, I know God will be by side like He’s always been.  I have to trust in God’s plan for me, for my students.  I hate that they are losing someone at this age.  I hate the heartbreak I see in their eyes, but I know it will make them stronger.  God doesn't give us bad times to punish us, but to teach us.  He gives them to us for a chance at greatness.  They are our time to show what we are made of.
            Thankfully, Monday and Tuesday I didn’t disappoint my kids and they sure as heck didn't disappoint me.  I was so nervous about seeing them on Monday.  I agonized over what I would say to them.  What do you say to 14- and 15-year-olds who have just lost a friend unexpectedly?  When second hour rolled around a counselor and social worker came to talk to the kids first, which I appreciated.  However, as thankful as I was for their presence, I realized within minutes that it was very much like trying to grieve with family and having strangers in your home.  My students were respectful, but withdrawn.  Once the social worker and counselor left, I realized that I didn’t have to know what to say because there wasn’t anything to say.  So, I looked at them and we celebrated James.  I told them that it sure as heck was ok to cry, even if they were a boy.  I admitted to them that I had cried myself, for James’s family obviously, but also for all of us because it was our loss as well.  I told them that it was also ok to laugh, and not to feel guilty.  I shared with them that James reminded me so much of my Grandpa Bob.  They had the same type of personality.  They loved to make others laugh.  At my grandpa’s funeral, my sister and I stood together and we laughed through our tears as we recounted silly stories about him.  I know that is exactly how my grandpa would want to be remembered, and it’s exactly how James would want to be remembered too.  And then, you know what, our class cried together.  They had showed no emotion with outsiders in our room, and neither had I.  Now it was safe to cry, and so we mourned. 
            The rest of this week has been hard as we have fought through a visitation and funeral.  We have fought through articles in the paper and rumors about his death.  We have fought against that empty desk in the first row that seems to echo with James’s ready laugh.  However, “God gives his hardest battles to His toughest soldiers,” and we are tougher than we ever imagined.  

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Birthday Letter to Grace





Dear Baby Girl,
           
            Well Tootsie, another year has passed and you are almost two-years-old!!  I can’t believe how much you are growing.  Just this week, someone asked me if I was going to cry on your birthday.  I almost said yes because, well you know me, and I’m a crier.  However, after thinking for a minute, I realized I’m not sad at all.  While I’m certainly not ready for you to hurry and grow up, I LOVE watching you grow up.  I love seeing the beautiful little person you are becoming, and I’m so happy to be a part of your life.  I am so proud of you!
            It has been quite a year for so many reasons, both good and bad.  Through everything, you have been my constant source of joy and hope.  Mommy has had quite a year with being sick.  I was unfortunately diagnosed with cancer in December when you were just 14-months-old.  I’ve had quite a time with surgeries, chemo, and infections.  It would have been easy to give up, but every day I thought of you.  I hope that all you remember from this time is the fun we had and that I had funny hair for a while.  When you are old enough to read this though, I want you to know that you saved my life.  Every time I hurt, every time I was sick, every time I was scared, I thought about my baby girl.  You deserve to have a mom you can be proud of, and so I have strived to be that person.  I have prayed every day for God to help me not only be a survivor, but to be one who walks with grace and strength.  I know that He sent you to me to save my life.  Despite your young age, you have always known exactly what I’ve needed this year.  You knew when to give me a hug, when to say I love you, when to make me laugh, and when I just needed to sit and cuddle.  I was terrified of your reaction when I started to lose my hair, but you didn’t care.  In fact, you made me feel all better about it.  You even would lovingly wash my head for me when I gave you a bath, and you would wear funny hats around the house for me.  Martina McBride sings a song called “In My Daughter’s Eyes.”  While the entire song reminds me of you, one part especially rings true.  She sings, “When she wraps her hand around my finger, oh it brings a smile to my heart.  Everything becomes a little clearer.  I realize what life is all about.  It’s hanging on when your heart has had enough.  It’s giving more when you feel like giving up.  I’ve seen the light.  It’s in my daughter’s eyes.”  This always reminds me of you because you’re my reason to always fight!  On a bright note, my surgery did get everything out.  I only did chemo to make sure that I get to spend a long, happy, healthy life with you!  So, never fear, Mommy is not going anywhere!  I just know that one of the reasons God put me on this earth is to be your mom, and I’m definitely not done with that job yet!
            On to brighter notesJ It has also been a big year because we have had so much fun!  Now that you are getting older, we have been able to do so many more things togetherJ  For instance, we redid the backyard for you!  Your Grandma and Grandpa Bronson bought you a swingset and our friend Amber gave you a little house.  We have spent hours back there playing!  You also got to be a part of the summer library program for the first time!  You’re not actually supposed to join until you are in preschool, but they let you come ahead.  You weren’t behind in the slightest.  You had such fun dancing, reading, and doing crafts!  You especially loved the picnic hat you made, and you looked so cute dancing around in it!  In addition to these, we got to take your first vacation!  You, your dad, and I went with Aunt B, Aunt Jacque, Uncle Jeremy, and Alex to Branson.  Your favorite part was being on a boat on the water when we rode the Ducks! 
These are just a few of the many fun things we have been doing this year.  You and I are always on the move.  We probably make your poor dad tired.  Even when we’re home, we’re usually up to something—playing, giggling, laughing, and having fun.  We are definitely partners in crime;)
You have also learned so many new skills this year.  I am so proud of you every day.  You are so so smart.  Even though I know you’re smart, I’m still amazed at just how much you know and learn every day.  You’re amazing!  I am especially excited that you have learned to say, “I love you!” this year!!!  Every time you say, “I love you, Mommy!” my heart just melts.  I also love that you love to read and learn from books.  I can’t even count the number of books we read together.  Many nights, you want to read more than you want to play and you’ll bring me book after book after book.  Your favorite books of the moment are your Clifford books and Goodnight Moon.
Well, in just a few days we will celebrate with our family at our house for your birthday.  You love Minnie Mouse, so we will be having a Minnie Mouse partyJ  Then, next week is your actual birthday.  For your present, I am re-doing your room in Minnie Mouse!  I can’t wait to see your face when I show you.  I hope you’re excited! 
Above all, I want you to remember always how much your “mommy ma” loves you!  I’m so proud to be your mom!!  I love you to the moon and back!
Love,
Mommy


Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Expect the Unexpected


Here's my Illustration essay I wrote to share with seniors:)  I think it is SO important to write along with our students!

           “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass.  It’s about learning to dance in the rain” (Author unknown).  This quote sums up both the hardest and most valuable lesson I have learned in my life.  Ever since I was a little girl, I have been a planner.  That is the nice way of saying that I am a control freak.  I make lists.  I research topics until I feel like a walking encyclopedia on a subject.  I ask questions.  However, I have had to learn to adapt.  I have had to learn that I cannot always plan for everything.  Several instances in the past few years have taught me that things do not always go as planned.
            One example of a time in my life where things did not go as expected is when I went on a cruise a few years ago.  One year, my husband’s grandparents decided to take everyone in his family on a cruise to the Caribbean to celebrate their fiftieth wedding anniversary.  Of course, I was extremely excited.  I planned for months—what excursions to take, what activities to do on board, and what to wear.  I made lists of every possible item I might need on my trip and spent hours packing the week before we left.  Then, much to my dismay, my suitcase did not travel by at baggage claim.  We waited by the revolving belt until all bags were out of sight, but, still, it did not arrive.  Despite the fact that airport personnel assured me that my bag would be found and sent to my hotel before our boat departed the next day, my bag was never found.  When I realized late that night that my bag was, in fact, gone for good, I cried and yelled.  Then, I decided I had to get a better attitude.  The next morning, my husband and I went on the fastest shopping spree of my life.  I had to pick out new everything, including dresses and a swimming suit.  For some reason, the experience (along with my attitude check) made me feel more free than I have ever felt before.  I had the most relaxing time on my cruise and learned that sometimes, you just have to deal with a situation and be happy regardless of circumstances.
            Another time where I have had to learn to fly by the seat of my pants, so to speak, is when I became a mother.  Anyone who thinks that everything always goes according to plans does not have small children.  No amount of planning will make an infant (or toddler for that matter) go to sleep when you want them to, get hungry when you want them to, or really do anything at the time that would be most beneficial to you.  As an infant, almost without fail, my daughter would fall asleep when we were getting ready for some big event (and you do NOT wake up a sleeping infant).  She would be hungry the moment we were trying to get out the door.  In addition, she usually threw up on me the moment I had finally gotten to take a shower and put new clothes on.  Parenting taught me that while things may not always go as planned, sometimes it is better that way.  Every day with my daughter might be crazy and hectic, but it is also beautiful and filled with wonder.
            Finally, and probably most surprising, I was diagnosed with breast cancer in December 2011 at only twenty-seven-years-old.  This change in my life was most definitely not planned for, nor expected.  I was healthier than I had ever been before in my life—I had just lost eighty pounds (in a healthy way, not from cancer) after the birth of my daughter, I had just finished nursing my daughter for a year (lots of benefits for Mom, as well as baby), I took vitamins, I ate healthy foods, and I kept all regular doctors’ check-ups.  Then, one Saturday I was playing with my daughter.  She happened to jump on my chest and I happened to put my hand up to catch her in exactly that spot.  I felt the lump and knew it wasn’t normal, although I also knew that it could be from just finishing nursing.  I sent up a prayer to God to let me know if I should take care of it.  I said, “God, you know how I am.  I’m a worrier.  If it’s nothing, please let me forget about it.  If it’s something, please let it bug the crap out of me.”  Well, on Monday, that lump was still bothering me.  My doctor, thankfully, took me seriously and ordered tests right away.  Later, after tests and an excisional biopsy, I found out that I had stage 1 breast cancer.  Although this was by far the worst and most unexpected event in my life, it has also been one full of blessings.  I don’t even know that I would change anything.  It has taught me a lot about love, friendship, family, and unfaltering faith. It has taught me strength, courage, and the power of prayer.  It has taught me that things will not always go my way and, while I can’t change that, I can change how I respond to these events. 
            Hugh Downs once said, “A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.”  Through many unexpected events in my life, I have had to learn to adjust my attitude and make the best out of any and all situations in life.  I’m still a planner.  I’m still controlling.  I’m still a researcher and a questioner.  However, life has taught me to be prepared for anything, hope for the best, and be happy about whichever happens.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

A Whirlwind of Fun


I wrote a descriptive essay to share as an example for one of my classes:)  I thought it was fun, so I thought I'd share:)

            When many people think of their favorite place, they imagine some far-off land with gorgeous scenery or some picturesque city.  However, one of my favorite places is my crowded and cluttered house.  If someone else walked in my front door right now, they might think a tornado had somehow snuck into my house, terrorizing just this single household on the street.  Too often, toys are scattered about the rooms, along with hats, slippers, blankets, pillows, and books.  Instead of the disaster area an outsider would see, I see tangible reminders of quality time spent with my daughter, Grace.
            Probably the messiest room in the house is also the first a person sees—the living room.  This room is where I spend the majority of my time indoors with my daughter.  As I look at the “mess,” I recall all the fun we have each day, especially on quiet mornings.  My hands can still feel the cool plastic of the Little People toys that Grace and I use to play “house.”  She especially loves the tiny yellow-and-blue-clad baby.  My head can still feel the scratch of Grace’s sombrero that she loves to put on my head and the soothing gentleness of her baby-soft hands as she pats my face or runs her fingers through my still-short hair.  My ears still happily hum with the sounds of “Mommy!” and “Hugs!”  They can still hear my baby girl’s tinkling giggles and big belly laughs.  My mouth is still quietly humming the songs we sang today and thinking of the stories we read.  My feet are still dancing, remembering the countless times Grace and I danced to the “Hot Dog” song.  Thinking of our action-packed day, I remain unembarrassed with my debris-littered floor.
            Stepping over the stack of books by my rocking chair, I make my way to the kitchen.  Although we don’t spend as much time here, it is full of happy memories nonetheless.  Making my way across the room, I dodge our dog as he runs from my daughter, who is trying yet again to make him wear a hat.  The table is littered with crayons, paper, coloring books, finger paints, stickers, and other various art supplies used that day.  Cups line the counter, since Grace wouldn’t decide what kind of “didi” (drink) she wanted.  I can still hear the clink of pots and pans as I make my daughter’s favorite dishes (i.e. all food) and the sound of her yelling “D!” (dinner) from her high chair.  The smells of homemade pasta sauce, baking bread, fresh garlic, and other staples of our house permeate the room.  No matter how cluttered this room, it radiates the essence of home.
            Finally, I make my way up the stairs to the final stop of my daily journey with Grace—my bedroom.  Although Grace sleeps in her own bed, we lie down together in my bed first, winding down from the busy day.  This room is equally messy and evokes just as many memories as the rest of the house.  However, these memories are quieter and more relaxed.  Here I see the colorful patchwork quilt that Grace and I use to cover up when we snuggle.  Since this blanket has kept me warm since I was a little girl, it is worn-out and frayed, but it is also soft and comforting.  My skin feels the coolness of the pale blue sheets, in contrast with the warmth of my daughter lying next to me with her head upon my chest.  As she hugs me goodnight, my arms still recall the many times Grace has run to give her mom a big hug that day, warming me to my very soul.  My lips recount every word of our favorite nighttime tale, Goodnight Moon, and the final “I love you” of the night.  My heart just about bursts from happiness with each return of “I love you, Mommy!”
            “A child’s creativity is only inhibited by her parents’ willingness to clean up after her.”  Although I don’t recall the author of this quote, the message is one that continues to stick with me.  As someone who is a little OCD, I have always kept a neat and tidy household.  As a mom, however, I’ve had to learn to let go of pristine floors and clutter-free countertops.  Although I continue to fight the never-ending battle against the whirlwind of playthings, I also recall the myriad of wonderful sensations and memories that accompany them.  It is in this remembering that I’ve learned to let go.